


You are me.

by MomoShikadora



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 06:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18089363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoShikadora/pseuds/MomoShikadora
Summary: When there's the weight of the universe to carry, sometimes being fragile can prove to be a strength.Or, Allura and Shiro sharing an emotional breakdown and finding solace in each other.





	You are me.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tybalt_tisk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tybalt_tisk/gifts).



> A small gift for my good friend and sensei Tybs, going through some rough time and still being the dork I love.  
> Thank you girl, I hope you will enjoy this one!

**_“Your father would be proud of you.”_ **

 

Those few words, those counted and simple and even pride worth syllables were enough. Enough to crack the fragile and hardly composed facade Allura had put on for that evening. The whole team, Voltron MFE and Atlas staff as well were invited on the planet Theolea, lifetime allies and friends with Altea, long before even king Alfor was born. After the war was over, the Theoli offered their resources to the recovering planets, being unharmed from the conflict they had plenty to share. They settled a party of celebration, to learn about the heroic deeds of Voltron and its paladins. Mostly they were glad to see their old friends were safe, so to speak. Saddened by the loss of the king but rejoice washed over them seeing his daughter taking the reins of the kingdom. Allura has been nervous since the meeting was even proposed as a mere idea, she never met these people in person and barely remembered her father talking about it, and some stranger leader reminding her of all of it shattered her confidence completely. She didn't feel like her father was proud of her, so many mistakes on her behalf, so many regrettable choices and no way to make amends for them. Her father would have been disgusted and disappointed with her and she didn't want some pompous frillish dressed man to sugarcoat her actions. But she kept a smiling diplomatic face and nodded with a shaky “Thank you.”

By the time the party was over, lions and Atlas pods were heading back to the mother ship for some rest, it was past midnight in Earth hours and the day hasn't been free nor relaxing. On their way, Allura was alone, a pod all for herself after she begged Coran to leave her alone, she wasn't feeling well she justified and she needed some time for herself. Coran didn't buy that excuse at the first intake of breath, he could see right through her but couldn't decipher clearly what was the source of her discomfort. But alas, he decided to give her room and he travelled on Yellow with Hunk.

Little did Allura know however, was that every pod have been upgraded with an intercom for easier communication among plenty of travelers, so when she couldn't hold back anymore and let herself cry rivers, everyone could hear, the paladins in primis. She sobbed in her hands, knees to her chest as she crammed herself on the small uncomfortable chair of the pod, shrinking herself both emotionally and physically, turning small enough to fit in the seat and curl in a sobbing ball. She hated this. She hated to recall everything, all she had lost, all she had fought for fruitlessly, her planet was back, her people was safe thanks to the colony. And yet she couldn't shake off the feeling that she didn't do enough, that she didn't try hard enough and that she failed to accomplish the full picture. But mostly it hurt like the lack of oxygen in the cold void of space, it hurt knowing her father nor mother would be there to see it, it hurt knowing that even if they were there they wouldn't be proud nor happy, she should have done so much more, and she failed. She cried herself dry and exhausted, not knowing her friends have heard everything, left with an aching heart and teary eyes.

“God… how long she's been feeling like this…” Lance mumbled as he wiped his nose, he came to terms with his feelings for her and they have settled their love was perfect as brother and sister like, but it didn't alleviate the pain those sorrowful cries clawed into his soul.

“For a long time I can assume.” Keith sighed in defeat. He wasn't one who wore his heart on the sleeve, but ironically it was this behavior that helped him to understand how people were handling their emotions, promptly hiding them. “Even if the whole mess is over, there's a lot that's been left behind.”

“What can we do?” Hunk asked as he hastily wiped his eyes from tears. “We can't let her be like that.”

“She won't let you in but shove you out her own space.” Coran stated matter of factly, if anyone knew Allura the best that was him. No, he was second.

“He's right.” Pidge added to the discussion coughing a little and fixing her voice. “Just let her be, we'll be there for her when she's feeling better.”

The only one who didn't speak a word out was Shiro. He couldn't. He has heard those cries many times before, at first by accident, when he happened to pass by her quarters, behind closed doors that muffled the sorrowful wails of forcefully hidden pain. Then he came looking for them, to hear them like a sickening concert, as proof she was human, for a lack of better terms, proof she was feeling, she was alive and struggling and that she wasn't some bionic being voided of emotions. It was selfish and he knew it, but always reassuring to know he wasn't the only one to cry himself to sleep when nightmares blended in with reality, when invisible maws ripped his flesh and the stench of non existing blood made his stomach retch and empty on the metallic floor of the castle. Shiro also knew that she didn't want to be alone for real, she needed help, someone to ground her back to reality, someone who would be her tether to sanity but it was difficult without being pity or coddling, and that's what she hated, coos and pats and “it's okay”'s spoken like to a baby who lost its pacifier. He knew her better.

Later in the core of the night, Allura had long lost the battle against her raging thoughts and torturing emotions, sleep was a mirage at this point. She just laid in the comfortable but small bed, staring at the blank ceiling while her rodent friends nested at her feet, curled on themselves in blissful slumber. She envied them right now more than ever. The blankets were starting to suffocate her, so she slowly left the bed, her bare feet touched the cold metal floor, tearing an hiss of discomfort from her, but she didn't mind. It was proof she was there, this was reality and not a nightmare. Still barefoot, she left the room and walked down the corridors she recognized, reaching for the hall 3.4, a large empty square with windows instead of walls, opening a breathtaking view upon the universe. She stood there, watching the show sliding before her, hands hidden beneath her armpits like it was cold, even if the temperature was fine. She started drifting off again, when the sudden and faint weight of a blanket rested upon her shoulders. She looked back with a gasp of surprise.

“Hey.” It was Shiro. With her some tired expression but a smile so warm and sweet that it brightened the dark room alone.

“Hey.” Allura hurried to flash a smile in return, observing him like many times before, his sunken star grey eyes surmounting dimples that softened the sharp edges of his jaw and his scar, he looked handsome, beautiful like a god even in his worse moments, she admired him for this but she also felt guilty, he shouldn't bear this burden alone, he had seen the deepest pits of hell and he crawled out laughing in the face of the devil, but his marks remained, ugly and painful and she knew it.

“Isn't it cold? You're barefoot on solid metal.” Shiro asked looking down at her feet, toes wiggling unconsciously.

“I'm good. But thank you for the blanket.” Allura murmured, wrapping herself closer to the fabric, it smelled of washing formula and of him.

“You're welcome.” Shiro nodded and stood beside her quietly, enjoying the show as well.

At a point, Allura grew closer to the glass, puffs of breath fogged the surface and she hurried to wipe it clear with the hem of the blanket, frantic and nervous like it was shameful, praying that Shiro didn’t notice, but it was nearly impossible being only the two of them in a quiet and mostly dark place. He actually approached her and did the same, fogging enough glass for his flesh finger to wipe the condensated breath into a smiley face. He smiled as well seemingly proud with his masterpiece, Allura didn’t understand and she gave him a quirked eyebrow.

“What was that about?” She asked.

“It’s just silly, y’know, to kill time.” THe man shrugged. “Don’t tell me you never breathed on a window and drew pictures on it.” He glanced at her, studying her body language, rigid body and confused frown were on display, probably meaning she was still analyzing the event.

“I don’t see the purpose of it.” Allura replied almost annoyed, focusing again on the starry void. The fog dissipated and so did the smiley face.

“It doesn’t have to have a purpose.” Shiro replied, putting on the offended look, eyebrows furrowed and lower lip forward in a childish expression. He didn’t recall the last time he felt the urge, exactly the urge to act silly, but he knew that if he kept on the professional and soldier facade any longer he would have gone madder than what he was already. Just to ease the mood, to open a communication channel with the princess, who wasn’t aware they knew about her breakdown, he needed her to relax, to trust him enough to talk. Needed to help her.

“Stop it.” Allura grumbled looking away, unable to look at that foolish expression any longer even through the glass reflection. It was already hard to keep emotions in check and the last thing she needed was the very captain of the battleship to act like a toddler. She inhaled sharply and exhaled louder, signing she has had enough of this nonsense.

“That’s a shame. Then… maybe I could try this.” Shiro blessed his new robotic arm in this moment, capable of floating feet away from his body without losing control of it. The prosthetic floated in front of Allura’s face, leaving her even more confused and annoyed. Then, came almothy nose boop.

At that, Shiro would have hoped she would at least giggle, realistically he knew she would be pissed beyond limit and probably crush his arm shamelessly, but he was glad to take the risk. But she did none of it. She actually took the robotic hand in hers, cold and hard metal against warm and soft skin, Shiro could actually feel that, feel the warmth of her palm as her fingers interweaved with his, causing his heartbeat to race in his ribcage. How could iit happen? That arm didn’t have any sensory ability this advanced to emulate touch sense, but then he remembered that it was Allura’s crystal that powered the arm, concentration of pure quintessence and bonding them to a deeper level, as if the fact she was able to contain his very being within herself and then pass it to the clone’s body wasn’t enough. They would be forever connected.

Allura’s grip on the metallic hand was tight, but weavering as her hand trembled, she felt Shiro’s life force flowing within the device, like he was close to her, closer than ever. A lump former in her throat as sobs were threatening to escape, she needed this, the very tether to reality that she didn’t realize she had until this very moment was there, floating before her and holding her hand in return. She just needed this, nothing more. She couldn’t afford to ask for more, she wasn’t worth it nor deserved it.

Quietly but kindly, Shiro reached her, standing face to face as for only few inches forced him to lower his gaze to meet the princess’, the missing limb now perfectly aligned with the shoulder piece. Allura returned the gaze but she was scared to reveal too much, her soul was swimming in her azure galaxy irises and she was vulnerable like that. Like on cue, Shiro’s prosthetic let go of her hand, only to hold it again so that he could lead it to his lips and plant a shy kiss on her knuckles. Allura froze with a raging heart in that moment, his lips were chapped and dry, and yet so soft with tenderness and affection that for a moment she craved for more, craved that feeling of reassurance but she didn’t move still, afraid that if she did, the spell would break revealing it was all but a dream. Another kiss, in the center of the top of the hand, like a gentleman greeting a lady to the party of a lifetime.

Allura felt her heart skip a beat this time, not wanting this desire for more to fester. She jerked her hand away and hid it beneath the blanket, looking away and forcing her expression in an angry scowl.

“I’m sorry…” Shiro murmured, his voice carried genuine hurt as he realized that maybe he truly crossed the line and all of his attempts were for nothing. He was about to take the door, when Allura spoke.

“Why?”

A simple question, rich with so many more unspoken ones.

“Why what?” Shiro turned back to face her, hoping this would be the moment she finally let go of her brave appearance and allow herself a moment to truly rest.

“Why you? Among many others, why are you this way? Why you have to carry my own burden with yours?” She raised her head, thick tears crossed her cheeks as her markings glowed brighter. “Why you have to be this selfless when you suffered so much?!” She yelled as she gave in, muffling her crying in her hands. Shiro immediately hurried to hold her, the prosthetic went to wrap around her waist and secure her against his body, while his real hand dug into her silky hair, a gentle but firm grip, shielding her from any fall. Any kind of fall. Allura gripped onto the fabric of his shirt, hiding her face in the junction of his neck with the shoulder, soaking his skin and clothing but Shiro didn’t care. Not when he was doing the same, hidden in her silvery mane, his own body shivering but soon held by the slim and powerful arms of the Altean princess, wrapped around his shoulder blades like an armour.

“I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to upset you…” Shiro croaked out with ragged breath. “You don’t deserve to feel like you must be invincible, unfazed and unfeeling by these horrors, like the loss of whom you loved the most isn’t painful or can be forgotten so easy… you don’t have to cry alone, when no one is listening… it doesn’t make you less worth of a queen or weaker in any way… I… I am actually glad you’re crying.” He pulled away and looked into her eyes, sight blurry with tears but all he needed to see was clearer than enough. “It means you’re still here, you haven’t lost your heart, nor your soul. So many times I was scared to lose myself but… seeing you, being a strict commander and a lovely person at the same time, being so strong that you hide your pain from others, made me realize that I’m not alone, that we’re still living beings, we suffered and came out stronger, but we don’t have to be ashamed of being weak… that’s why I want to carry your burden with you…” he gently brushed some hairstrings away from her face. “Because you gave me the strength to go on… more than anyone else, you helped me to be stronger…”

Allura was still holding onto his back, unable to look away from those eyes, those stars shining with life, with courage and willpower, the tears did not taint that sparkle, it only made it brighter. She felt like a weight was lifted from her whole being, and she started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” Shiro asked, but soon infected with that strange disease called laughter.

“Because I wanted to say the same exact words… for you.” She caught her breath and wiped her eyes, smiling from ear to ear. “I spent so much time being strong for everyone, because you have been more than enough for all of us. I tried to put in practise what you have taught me, you fought your own demons by yourself and I regret deeply not being able to help you fight. But I promised that I would be everyone’s strength, so you could lay back and take a moment for yourself.” She continued, taking his face in her hands, her thumbs wiping the remaining moisture away in a soothing pattern. “You are the bravest man I have ever met… you’ve given everything and more for everyone, to help them without ever asking anything in return, while you were still healing from what those monsters have done to you… you put the whole universe before your own needs, it’s something so great and unbelievable I couldn’t believe I was so lucky to be fighting by your side…” she then leaned closer, resting her forehead on his. “We’re so messed up we can’t even fix ourselves and we try to fix each other… but we’ll make it through this too, right?”

Shiro chuckled with a sniffle, both his hands cupped around hers, and hinted to a nod. “You’re right.”

* * *

 The following morning, the paladins noticed the absence of their team member and captain. But the mice soon guided them to hall 3.4, where they found the missing people, cuddled to one another against the window, a thin blanket was barely enough for both of them, but they looked content as they were, the others didn’t dare bother the two.

 


End file.
